A Tale of Fish-Balancers...

The weather changes in Spring bring about the emergence of many strange and unusual creatures. In May, you can often find snapping turtles the size of truck wheels, or hear the deafening chorus of a million sexually aroused amphibians at your local frog-bog.

However, it is not of the native wildlife of which I speak. No, the weirdest creatures that crawl forth every Spring are of the human kind. While I fear that the world is not yet ready for my tale of the "fish-balancers", take heart brave reader, and all shall be revealed.

This curious monstrosity can be found clustered on the shores of many a Walleye or Smallmouth water at this time of the year; yes that's right, they fish in packs. There are several varieties, ranging from the small and insignificant Lesser-Spotted Fish-Balancer, right up to the 400-500 pound majestic "king of the lake", the Plaid-Bellied Fish-Balancer.

These giants of the waterways can be found, gurgling, belching and farting in unison, at most waters bearing the tag of "Trophy Walleye Spot". If you are lucky enough, you will also at this time of the year witness them shedding their winter plumage, a truly awesome sight that few are privileged to behold first-hand. In a remarkable and speedy metamorphosis the Plaid-Bellied Fish-Balancer is quickly transmogrified from what appears to be a smelly, drunken fat man into a proto-larval stage closely resembling a pink, sweaty, beached whale. So, if you happen to spy what appears to be a vast mound of sunburnt blubber, approach carefully down-wind; if you catch the exotic scent of worms, Lienie's Red and week-old sweat you are definitely in luck... you have found a Plaid-Bellied Fish-Balancer in his mating plumage!

At this time, a small amount of patience will reward the observer; you will soon see the mating dance of this curious Wisconsin native species. The display starts with either an extra-loud snore, belch or flatulent attack (depending upon the time of day, although scientists are divided on this point), which appears to wake the dominant male from his normal pose of inebriated relaxation. He then gives vent to an inarticulate yell (sounding something like "Fak-me-bubbers-gorn", repeated quickly three or four times), while simultaneously (ah, the raw beauty of these instinctually-choreographed motions) pulling back hard on his short fishing rod, three or four times, as if he were a mighty samurai attempting the Kea-Wan-Huh, or up-stroke evisceration technique; a method normally found most efficacious when faced with a charging elephant.

Generally the display ends at this point with a high-pitched scream of either pain or anger (hard to prove as scientific opinion is still in doubt on whether this species can actually feel pain), as the offending bobber and terminal tackle exits the water at twice the speed of a Polaris missile, and impales itself either in the voluminous folds of the Plaid-Bellied Fish-Balancers beergut, or into the bank side herbage.

Very occasionally, you will be privileged to witness a truly unique event... with a ferocious winding a miniscule walleye or micro-bass will be hauled to the shore and dumped unceremoniously on the concrete. I was once blessed with seeing the ultimate ending display. The fish in question was somewhat smaller than average; the Plaid-Bellied Fish-Balancer was a huge creature, the sun glinting alarmingly off his polished red head. With a ferocious yell that would have reflected great credit on Attila the Hun, he ripped his "whuppin' stik" back with the sound of a rifle shot... the small fish ricocheted off his bald pate and flew into the road some fifty paces behind him, where it was promptly run over by a Hummer.

If you are not as lucky as myself, you should still get to witness the more-normal courtship ritual. With the fish wriggling on the concrete the "lucky angler' will shamble over to his catch and proceed to "balance" on one end of it (generally the tail end) while attempting to extricate the hook from the mouth end using the sort of equipment generally reserved for replacing the drive sprockets on Abrams M1A1 tanks. Yes that's right folks, that's how the Fish-Balancer gets it's name; it really does attempt to balance itself on every fish it catches!

Once (or maybe if?) the hook is removed, the same utensil is then used to pick the fish up by a lip or fin (assuming the afore-mentioned creature can still lay claim to such an appendage?), whence the final part of the ritual is played out. With a mighty heave and dexterous back-hand flip, the fish is launched in the air, high above the head of its happy captor, and generally back into the water. Sometimes the Fish-Balancer miscalculates this last and final art, with the unfortunate result that the fish ends up in a lady's hat, a passer-by's back-pocket or maybe on the roof of a nearby building. Generally however, the fish is returned safely (sic) to the watery depths... possibly wiser but definitely somewhat flatter from it's impromptu part in the whole strange, unscripted play.

Now, I know that some of you out there will doubt the veracity of my statement... but I swear every word of this strange, exotic ritual is true. Away with you, doubter's! Go out into the WI country-side with your camera, and try to get close to these wonderful, wild creatures; I promise that you will see the Fish-Balancers proudly displaying on any given weekend in May and June!

Nasty Weather, Nice Fish...

... and there's really not much more to be said! I sneaked away from the household chores for a few hours yesterday evening. After a fair amount of rain had fallen I had high hopes of what the Irish would call "a fine, moist evening".

A bunch of high singles and low teens weren't quite what I expected, but I did connect with the "8.20pm Amtrak from Two Rivers to Houston"! Eventually I slid a long and beautifully-conditioned fish into the landing net. 33lb 2oz; always a good feeling to land the first 30-pounder of the season, even if the weather wasn't perfect!

Twenty Five Pounds of Trivers Treasure

I seem to be slowly progressing through my ACL campaign... one good fish at a time. Of course, my efforts have not been helped by the weather; another very cold fishing Sunday made me wish that I could have been out chasing Carp on Saturday instead.

However, here I was at a new town and carp-hunting area, Two Rivers. Or, as the local residents call it, Trivers! I was here to meet two new carpfishing buddies, Wayne Boon and Tommy Riley, from California and Chicago respectively. They enjoy fishing Trivers every spring, and this was my first visit, the aim was to meet up and catch some good fish. However, the guys were still on their way up from Tommy's house, as they'd been fishing the ACS NE Regional Tournament the previous week.

I arrived at Trivers at about 12 Noon, only to discover that the guys wouldn't be arriving until 4ish at the earliest; so the obvious thing to do was to find some fish. With a cold breeze blowing in however, location was going to be a problem. I drove around the town, stopping at a number of possible places; with a couple of needs on my mind. If I was a Carp just in from Lake Michigan I'd be wanting somewhere as warm as possible, so I looked for an area with some shallows (to warm fast in whatever sunshine came along), but with a relatively deep channel or area for the fish to hole up in. Lastly I wanted somewhere sheltered from the worst of the cold wind. I eventually found somewhere warm and sheltered on the West Twin River, with a deep channel and a large shallow area just beyond it.... perfect!

I caught a couple of cats & bullheads early; enough action to give me a feeling that the carp would feed, and to force me to leave the worms alone! An older guy was out trying his new rod, and he hooked a fat Smallie, so it seemed that my warm spot was appreciated by most of the local fishy species! After he had left, I had 4 small Carp in 4 casts, on a chick pea/corn cocktail, down in the deeper channel. I'd also seen a few fish roll nearby, and one good fish rolled right over my right-hand rig, which I'd positioned about 25 feet out from the bank, on a gentle slope about 7 feet deep, leading to the deeper water.

After about 3 hours fishing, the right-hand rod indicated a powerful drop-back bite, and my resulting strike hooked a very angry fish that made a couple of short but powerful runs out into the middle of the river. I tightened up on the fish as much as I could (worried about snags and navigation buoys & anchor chains), which brought the Carp to the surface about 50 yds out, where it lashed the surface with its tail... a good fish! After a couple more powerful runs, the battle became a tug of war down the edge, with my recovering line after every lunge of the fish. Finally it rolled on the top and I could see it was lightly lip-hooked, easing up on the fish I kept it turning for another minute and it was ready to net.

Great fight, and a short but chunky fish was in the net; I was happy! After a quick weighing it checked out at 25 pounds exactly; my best fish of the year so far. Thanks to a little thought about weather and conditions, and a lot of wandering around looking for the "right place for the day", I managed to catch a good fish under bad conditions.

Eric's First Twenty Pounder!

Yes, you saw it here first folks, Eric has landed his first Twenty Pound Carp! The boy dun good, with a fit & fiesty fish caught at around 30 yds, on sweetcorn hair-rigged on a size 4 hook and Drennan open-end feeder rig. We both caught fish from our new venue in Oshkosh. We fished this area once last year, saw a lot of fish rolling, but couldn't buy a bite... this year's trip couldn't have been more different. After a slow first hour, we started catching small Carp, then managed to find some good-looking mid-doubles and three twenties.

That's enough from me, the important bit is the Apprentice has qualified as a real Carphead... and NEWFishing's first Sponsored Angler in the American Carp League; Congratulations Eric!