Halloween Horrors on the Fox!
While the slow-rolling (and frankly, rather muddy) Fox River looks like a typical upper Midwest flatland river, it does hold more than it's fair share of surprises. I suppose it's because the Fox is a little weirder than the average river:
1. It flows North (yes Paris, that's the direction from Texas to Canada)
2. It's generally full of PCB's, cow-farm effluent and diesel run-off, all mixed up with a goodly measure of mercury and topped off with a dash of battery acid
3. It's frequented by some of the strangest fishing creatures in the world (it's a positive haven for Plaid-Bellied Fish-Balancers; for an explanation of this rare & mythical beast, please see: http://newfishing.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html)
Some say because of (but it may be in spite of) the above, it's full to the brim with Walleye most of the year. Now, these poor things lead a somewhat perilous existence, assaulted from all sides by bigger, meaner and smellier (Fish-Balancers) things that like to eat them. One would think that they suffer enough during their short and dangerous lives; but now a new and horrific monster has arisen to wreak devilish destruction upon them!
Yes folks, I'm here to tell you of a creature that will make your blood run cold. It's been no more than a whispered rumor for many years, a tale of cryptozoological mayhem and ghoulish glee; fit for camp-fire parties at lonely lakes, late in October and close to the witching hour.
I can now bring you proof-positive of the monster's existence! This ferocious denizen of the depths has been quite literally eating it's way through the local Walleye population; like a Chupacabra let loose in a New Mexican Petting Zoo...
At this point, I should warn children, Walleye anglers and all other adults of a nervous disposition to look away now; these are not pictures for the faint-hearted. I should also point out that everything I am about to tell is the complete truth; this is way too weird to make up.
I had wandered down to the Fox at Voyageur Park on Saturday afternoon, to try out my new camera with a couple of sunset shots of Walleye anglers slumbering peacefully aboard their Deep-V's. As I looked around for a photo opportunity, I was approached by a family who had just dragged a dead fish from the river, and were somewhat worried about what it could possibly be. Just another Gizzard Shad I thought as I strolled over to take a look at the body. How wrong could I be?
Take a look for yourselves, and tell me what you think this is? For comparison purposes, the fish is approx. 15 inches long, and appears to have been dead for about a day. It has an adipose fin, has a pronounced keel to the belly, and a set of teeth that would make mincemeat out of an unwary anglers fingers. As I recall my fish identification guide; "all piranhas have a single row of sharp teeth in both jaws; the teeth are tightly packed, interlocking, and used for rapid puncture and shearing. Individual teeth are typically broadly triangular, pointed, and blade-like (flat in profile)".
Is it a Piranha? Was it dumped in the Fox as a hoax? Or... has it been eating it's way through the local fishy population; only to die a horrible death after biting my mother-in-law during an unfortunate family shoreline-wading incident?
You decide, and drop me a line with your thoughts. The body is at this moment on it's way to the DNR biologists; I'll issue an update as soon as I receive one. In the meanwhile, don't let your dogs swim in the Fox. Oh, and it might be a good idea to warn your children too? I'd suggest that you let your mothers-in-law take their chances, but it might be more sporting to mention this article first?
